Can I Ever Be Truly Accepted?
by librarat
Summary: Sebastian Michaelis was an orphan when he was a child and then taken in by Fay Michaelis who gave him his name. He was then to serve Ciel Phantomhive who was the heir of his family. When Sebastian grew up, he began to be haunted by the tragedy of his past. Ciel tried his best to help but became increasingly worried. Ciel then called on his friend Alois Trancy and Claude Faustus.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Black Butler, nor am I making any money off of it.

From the time I was born until this very moment I have been alone. I am only six and I have already evaded death many, many times. I am nothing but a street urchin and I can see the disdain and contempt the rich people and poor show towards me. I wonder why they do that, but I also wonder why some men try to call me to them and try to bribe me with food and candy and a whole array of things.

Actually, I don't wonder about that, I know why they do it. They want to taint me, more than I already am just by living on the streets. But luckily enough, I don't go near them or I am just faster than they are. Hm, you say that I sound like a well-mannered silver tongued person? Well, I suppose I do for being merely a six year old. Oh, you wish to know my appearance because of those who want to taint me? I suppose I could tell you.

I am very pale, one man remarked that I had creamy pale skin, although I'm not so certain as to what that means, and the only reason I can tell that I'm actually pale is when it rains. I have inky black hair that is nearing my shoulders. Oh, the most remarkable features are my eyes, they are a deep garnet color and I pride myself very much on them because they keep away dogs and some people who think I'm a demon in disguise.

How silly people can be- Oh dear, there are two men following me. I don't like them; they seem much more awful than any of the others. Oh no, they've trapped me in an alley, how did I not see it coming?

The taller man looks at me and smiles; it's not a friendly smile either, it's evil. The shorter man reaches and grabs me quickly. I try to wrench away from him and as I struggle I hit him in the gut with my elbow. His grip on me loosened and I took a chance and bolted away from them.

Oh my, their chasing me now as I duck and weave through the crowds of people.

"Oh, wee darling what's wrong?" A short young lady with raven locks like mine asks after I collide with her and I fall down. She, however, didn't seem to move an inch. "Oh, my dear lady, I thank you kindly for finding my son, he ran away from me and his uncle." The taller man says as soon as he gets close to me and the young lady.

The young lady narrows her eyes at the evil man and then turns to me to confirm what he said. I was practically shaking from all the running I had just done and the fear I had felt when they had grabbed me was still holding me in its' iron embrace. I must have sent a pleading look.

She stiffened and then closed her eyes to ward away what seemed like past memories. "Quite sorry but this child will be coming with me." The young lady said as politely as possible, then gathered me up into her arms quickly, not even flinching at the awful clothes that I was wearing.

I gasped as she turned away from him and started walking. The man looked dreadfully angry; his companion who had finally caught up to him mirrored the look. I closed my eyes as the man shouted in rage, and then I felt the woman stop and turn back to the two evil men.

I opened my eyes to see them rush forward to hit the woman and before they could, the woman stopped the both of them with a glare that could equal the devils.

"You scum how dare you try to harm an innocent little child? You will pay for your misdeeds." The young lady said as a crowd gathered to see what was going on. The men snickered as they looked at her. "Oh, what will you do, nag us to death?" The shorter one asked.

The young lady merely smiled and then all of a sudden we were both in front of the two. All I heard were four cracks and then the two men were on the ground, screaming in pain. The young lady smiled again and then we were off, leaving a gawking crowd and two screaming men behind us.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew we were in a carriage with an aged Japanese man. The man must have sensed that I had awoken and then offered me some tea. Just to be polite, I took the cup he gave me and sipped carefully as the flavor was a bit too strong for me.

"So polite for one so young, you don't see such a thing all too often. Now Little One, do you have a name?" The young lady asked as the older gentleman watched on kindly. I shook my head and lowered my gaze to the floor of the carriage. "Well, that simply won't do. My dear, I would like to suggest that you give him a name since you were the one to rescue."

"Hm, we should ask him before we do such a thing Tanaka." The young lady said to Mister Tanaka and then she turned to me.

"Young One, may I give you a name? Oh, before you answer, this means that you would be my charge to look after and protect, I suppose a son to me, and that means that Tanaka would have to look after you because he would be the equivalent of a grandfather to you and a father to me. Do you understand?" I nodded my head, seeing as everything she said made sense.

She smiled at me gently and then quickly pulled me over to her and then lifted me onto her lap. "Hm, my name is Fay Michaelis, and I think that you would do well with the name Sebastian Michaelis." She said as she looked at me for approval. "I thank you for giving me a name. And I think I like it quite a bit." I said as I felt blood rush to me cheeks.

Mister Tanaka and Miss Fay smiled at me gently and that was when I knew. I was no longer alone, for the first time in my six years of life, I had people by my side.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not in any way own Black Butler nor am I making any money off of this story.  
Author's Note: Thank you for taking the time to read it and review on it.

* * *

I gasp for breath as I awaken and my heart slowly starts to calm down. I hate this, I hate it so much. It wasn't fair. I should've been the one to die that night. That awful night was terrifying.

Ah, I can't think about this. I should start making breakfast; it's not too early to do it now. Besides, it's not like Baldroy was actually going to be able to cook anything. He would just burn it.

You know, cooking is so relaxing, at least that's what Fay said, although I do agree with it. I still remember the first time Fay allowed me to cook with her. She said I was a natural. She also said I was a natural butler as well. Hm, I really miss her.

Was that thunder? Did I not even notice that it was raining? I hate the rain, that and when I go to sleep. I always remember _**that**_ when it rains and when I go to sleep. I hate it. I hate remembering it.

Don't listen to the rain, don't listen to the rain. Let's keep cooking and don't listen to the rain. No, no, no, no, no!

* * *

_**That night was raining and cold, so very cold. I was sleeping when all of a sudden Fay was shaking me awake and telling me that we had to get out of the mansion. I was nine at the time and Young Master Ciel was six. **_

* * *

_The very first thing that Fay told everyone when we arrived at the mansion for the first time, I remember it so clearly. Lady Phantomhive was holding a four year old Ciel while Lord Phantomhive had an arm wrapped around his wife's waist. _

"_Hello everyone, this is my son Sebastian Michaelis!" She said as she pushed me in front of her for the Phantomhives to see. The Lord and Lady Phantomhive both smiled kindly at me and greeted me with warmth. _

_Young Master Ciel looked at me with a serious expression on his little face and then said, "Mine!" Fay started laughing and the couple looked at their son with shock._

"_Well, I guess Young Master Ciel decided what you are going to be doing here, huh, Sebastian?" Fay asked with a smile. _

_From that day on, Young Master Ciel was my responsibility and I was his butler. After that, Fay was in charge of teaching me how to be a butler; I think it's quite similar to being a maid actually, only with a few more responsibilities. _

* * *

_**I remember being lifted into Fay's arms and then we were speeding down one of the hallways to get out of the mansion. I gasped as soon as we were outside. Half of the mansion was on fire. **_

_**All of the servants were out of the house as well as Lord and Lady Phantomhive. But there was one person missing. **_

_**Young Master Ciel.**_

_**He wasn't there, he should have been right beside his parents and he wasn't. I panicked and tried to run back in to get him but Fay and Tanaka stopped me.**_

"_**Sweetling, you can't go back inside! You'll get hurt!" Fay cried as I thrashed around, trying to break free of them. "But, but Young Master Ciel, he's still in there!" I cried. "I have to save him, I'm his butler, I have to!" I nearly screamed.**_

"_**Sebastian, I know someone else will get my child, it's all right." Lord Phantomhive said worriedly as he and Lady Phantomhive came near the three of us.**_

_**I was so scared and cold, and I was shaking from the rain and the nerves of dread that had settled in my stomach. And then, I realized that there was water on my face. It wasn't rain. **_

_**I was actually crying.**_

_**Fay looked at me and cupped my face in her small hands; she then lifted my face up to look me straight in the eyes. "Sweetling, wait here. I will get him." She said softly and then kissed me gently on the forehead.**_

_**And then she was gone. **_

_**Tanaka was holding me back again as I started screaming for the person I called my mother to come back.**_

_**It seemed like a lifetime had passed me by, but then all of a sudden Fay was there with Young Master Ciel cradled in her arms. He was breathing and perfectly fine. I remember being so relieved. And then Fay was handing him to the Lord and Lady Phantomhive.**_

_**I went to hug her but instead, she collapsed.**_

_**I screamed in fear that she was hurt, but it was much worse than I had thought. I remember reaching out to her and pleading for her to get up and off of the ground, I told her to stop joking around like she usually did. But then Tanaka pulled me away from her and covered my eyes with his hand and just held me close.**_

_**All the while I screamed myself hoarse.**_

* * *

I, I don't want to remember that anymore. I hate it. I should've been the one to get Young Master Ciel; I should've died instead of Fay. I should've died that night. Maybe Fay would still be here if I had.

God, I miss her so much. She was the first to truly care about me. Then Tanaka, Lord and Lady Phantomhive, Young Master Ciel. Even Baldroy, Finnian, and Mey-Rin as well.

I should be thankful for everyone I have in my life, I swear I am thankful.

But, Fay was my Mother. She taught me how to fight, and cook, and how to clean everything properly. She taught me how to read and write, she taught me how to balance money and she taught me the best way to figure out math problems. She actually loved and cared for me as if I was her own.

She taught me everything that I know.

In those three short years, I felt as if I had known her since birth. She was so warm and kind and I loved her just as much as she loved me. And now, she's not here by my side.

Every time I think about it, it hurts so much.

Oh, it seems as though Fay taught me very well if I can think about so many things and not even burn one thing that I'm cooking.

Ah, that's right. One of the very first things that she taught me…

"_Sebastian, whenever you're thinking of something that plagues you with bad thoughts, think of good things as well. And no matter what, don't let what you are thinking about affect your butler duties. Okay?"_

I can feel myself smile despite the awful thoughts that plague my mind.

And with a smile still gracing my face, I make sure that everything I've cooked is perfect and then I leave the kitchen to rouse Young Master Ciel from his slumber.

* * *

_Sebastian, do you hate me? It's getting closer to __**that **__time of the year. The anniversary of __**her **__death. _I would hate it if Sebastian hated me. I would most likely hate myself. I love Sebastian so much; he's always been there for me.

To me, he's like a big brother. I think Sebastian is amazing. He never once complained about having to follow my orders when we were younger, he always smiled and did what I asked.

And oh, he's such a wonderful cook, and he can fight and teach too. I remember when we were younger and I would get frustrated with my studies. He would make me a glass of hot tea and calmly explain everything until I got it. He's always caring for me and there for me.

He also defends me from what other people say. Ah, to me, Sebastian is one of the most wonderful people in the world.

Hm, that smell. Sebastian's cooking breakfast again. Oh, thank god, I bet Mother and Father will be grateful as well. Baldroy tries very hard but he's not that great of a chef.

"Young Master, may I come in?" I heard a nearly feminine, soft voice ask through my door.

"Of course you may Sebastian." I answered him with a smile. In the next second, he had opened my door and bowed slightly.

"Sebastian, you know that you don't have to bow to me nor do you have to call me Young Master." I say as he comes forward to help me out of bed.

"So you say, but I must address you this way because it is my duty and it would make you look bad if someone were to hear me address you with so much familiarity." He explained gently as he neatly set out my clothes and started to help me take off my night wear and help put on my day wear.

"But, it would make sense to talk with so much familiarity since we've literally known each other since we were mere children. Besides, I would have someone take care of the people who dare try to judge you or me Sebastian." I say with conviction as he finishes tying the usual dark blue ribbon I wear with my dark blue suits around my neck. Sebastian's only reply is a gentle smile.

I always wonder how he can smile when he's been through so much. And then I hate whatever fate the gods have dealt him.

"Young Master Ciel, breakfast is ready, shall we go?" Sebastian asks softly, breaking my thoughts. "Yes, of course." I reply, and then we leave my room and go downstairs.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way own Black Butler nor am I making any money off of this story.**

* * *

"Baldroy, Finnian, Mey-Rin, what do you think you are doing?" I asked in a deadly tone. "Well, Lord Vincent and Lady Rachel asked us to join them." Baldroy said with a grin. Oh dear, we are merely the servants, we shouldn't mingle with those of higher status. Baldroy, you fool.

"Oh Sebastian, lighten up, it's fine right. Oh, and the food's great as usual." Lord Vincent said lightheartedly. "Thank you my Lord, but no it's not alright, it's-"Tanaka appeared out of nowhere and cut me off. "Oh Sebastian, it is fine, sometimes you need to relax. You know, I was like that when I was younger. But, your mother told me that my health would go if I didn't loosen up." Everyone was silent after Tanaka had spoken. I wonder, do they expect me to cry, I certainly hope not.

"Fine, would you like some more of your Green Tea, Tanaka?" I asked softly. He smiled at me from where he sat and nodded his head. I grabbed the tea pot and swiftly made my way to the kitchen.

* * *

"Tanaka, why did you mention Miss Fay?" I asked as soon as Sebastian was a good ways away. "Oh, Sebastian agrees with whatever Fay said. It's one of his ways of staying close to her memory." He replied simply.

"But, you can't just use it against him like that." I said, outraged at what Tanaka was doing to poor Sebastian.

"Oh, Ciel, you have much to learn. Fay actually did say that to Tanaka when I and she were teenagers. It was quite comical in fact. Ah, Fay was a wonderful woman, and Sebastian really is a lot like her. You know, I wouldn't be all that surprised if Sebastian really was her son by blood." My father said wistfully. My mother giggled at Father and nodded her head to agree with his words.

"Hm, I still don't like it." I said stubbornly. "Oh Master Ciel, Sebastian will be fine, he's very strong despite his looks." Finnian, our gardener, said to me as he ate. Mey-Rin and Baldroy nodded their heads in agreement.

I looked down at my plate and clenched my fists. I know Sebastian is strong, but I still want to protect him.

Just like he protects me.

* * *

Fay said that to Tanaka? I suppose I can see her doing such a thing. Although she was all about working, she was obsessed with people being healthy and relaxed as well.

I chuckle softly as I remember the one time I had gotten sick. Just to make sure I wouldn't do anything, she got Lord Vincent's permission to make sure that I could take some time to get better.

Oh, the tea's ready. Time to go back to the dining room I suppose.

When I joined everyone I quietly poured Tanaka some tea and observed everyone silently. Everyone seemed happy, except for Young Master Ciel. He seemed tense for some reason.

"Young Master Ciel, are you alright?" I asked gently as I looked at him. "Oh, yes Sebastian, I'm fine." He said with a smile.

In return, I smiled gently at him.

"Young Master, I am sorry, but it seems the weather will prevent you from going riding today." I say sadly as I pour myself a cup of Green Tea. "Oh, that's right; it's raining today, all day. Well, that's fine. We can just stay in the library today, is that alright Sebastian?" He asks me.

"That would be most acceptable Young Master, but unfortunately, you need to practice your violin lessons. Don't look at me like that, I know you were going to try and get out of it. You always try." I said with malicious glee when he quickly paled.

Yes, Young Master Ciel always tries very hard to skip his violin lessons, but I will not allow that. As an honorable member of the Phantomhive Family, Master Ciel must know how to play at least one instrument.

Sadly, it seems as though the men of the Phantomhive Family are not all that adept at handling an instrument. The women of the family are another matter entirely. You see, the Phantomhive men have always had someone to keep them on their schedule of learning at least one instrument.

Tanaka dealt with Lord Vincent's Father, Fay made sure that Lord Vincent learned how to play the cello, and now it is my duty to make sure that Young Master Ciel learns the violin.

Even if it does get tedious and he is quite horrible at it. I still have faith that he will, in time, learn how to play the violin with success.

"Now then Young Master, you are done yes? Let's go." I say cheerfully as I practically drag him from the table and toward his practice room.

The six remaining people watched Sebastian drag him away. They silently prayed that Sebastian would come back with perfectly uninjured ears.

* * *

Sadly, that prayer was unanswered when Sebastian came out the practice room with a terribly dreadful headache and a worried Ciel following him around with a guilty expression.

"Sebastian, are you sure that you are alright?" Master Ciel asked me as I walked slowly to the kitchen to prepare everyone's lunch.

"Yes Young Master, I assure you that I am perfectly fine." I say with a smile as he looked at me with disbelief.

Before he could say anymore on the matter, Lady Rachel came to us and started to speak."

"Sebastian, I need my darling son for a bit, we're planning Vincent's birthday party and we want it to be kept a secret from him. So, if you could?" Lady Rachel asked as she laid her hands on Master Ciel's shoulders.

"Yes, I will dissuade him from gathering any knowledge of the party Lady Rachel." I say as I take my leave and depart to the kitchen.

Ah, if Fay were here, she would be making all of Master Vincent's favorites.

Oh dear, every time something wonderful or something terrible happens, I always think of what she might do.

It's really no use, Fay was the one who I called my Mother and to have her taken from me in such a way is unbearable. I can't stop thinking of what she would do or what she would say.

Really, I am an utterly pathetic human being.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you for taking the time to read it and review on it. Also, sorry to those who have taken the time to read it and for all the time you've had to wait.**


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